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Coming to a BALCO Lab near you...Barry Bonds

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Diary of a Mad Sportswriter: Coming to a BALCO Lab near you...Barry Bonds

Diary of a Mad Sportswriter

Stan Hudy is a sportswriter for The Saratogian and Community News. He covers high school and youth sports in the Saratoga County area as well as writing a weekly book review on sports books. He's not just a "stick and ball" sportswriter, he's willing to take on any sport as well as any subject.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Coming to a BALCO Lab near you...Barry Bonds

San Francisco Giant slugger, accused steroid user and media darling Barry Bonds may be coming to your major league town soon.
After filing for free agency the day after the World Series concluded, the man on the doorstep of Hank Aaron's home run record is offering his bat for rent.
His agent stated that all 30 major league teams have shown an interest.
Bonds may become the first player to reach the 30, 300, 3,000 club in the major leagues.

Thirty teams have shown interest, or more likely mild curiosity as to how much they will have to pay per home run to fill their stadiums next season. There are more than 300 BALCO-type labs willing to provide him with his “supplements” and trainers to get his fragile body through one last season along with 3,000 reporters anxious to put the nail in his coffin once and for all.
Let's break it down.


Without a salary cap, owners are free to pony up a 100 thousand per at bat for Bonds. He's guaranteed to be on the cover of the media guide, programs and sell a warehouse full of new jerseys. The entire pre-season and regular season will revolve around each at bat, counting down the 21 dingers he needs to tie Hank Aaron.
The owners will stand at the podium showing the local fans and municipalities the money has he put forth to bring “a winner” to his town.
Imagine the demand for tickets, press credentials and kayaks, nets and "hit it here" signs that will be sold locally. You can also bet that as the home run title becomes more likely, more broadcast games will be moved from local free television to ESPN, FOX or if he's a New York Yankee, expect the first-ever pay-per-view baseball games to be broadcast.

Labs will be relocating, boxing up their flaxseed oils and training regiments for his next stop. Who wouldn't want to take credit for “training the home run king” and have their signs plastered on supplement posters on sweat covered gym walls. “Barry took this, you should too,” “Barry worked out on this, you should too,” is a marketing execs dream.
But can Bonds handle the pressure from his next city's daily media looking to earn a Pulitzer by proving he is a cheat. Big budget news agencies and newspapers will have no problem dumpster diving through a city block of residential garbage looking for medical waste and alcohol swabs if it means a Pulitzer.


How about the scribes who have an axe to grind for the unjust pain and suffering San Francisco Chronicle peers Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams have gone through for their work.
Sportswriters can be lazy, arrogant and heartless, but they still have long memories and hold a grudge for the greater good.

Just ask Pete Rose.


Come on Barry, step into the batters box at any other unfriendly confines in the nation and take your swings. No more local protection, no more “You know Barry” lines from his handlers and the San Francisco Giants. Get ready to face the heat like you have never known before.
It has been written that you perform best when you consider yourself hated. Then take a stroll to one of the Big Three (media markets), New York, Chicago or L.A.You could break the record by May and enjoy your retirement, but only after suing for your record breaking ball caught by a kid with a brain tumor.
Come on, take your best shot, because we'll be waiting for you.

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